The Monster
by coffeecoma
Summary: She was the kid your parents warned you about.


**Author's Note: This is my first time submitting a story to Fanfiction so I have no idea what I'm doing. I just want to warn you guys that this story is about anorexia so if you're uncomfortable with the subject matter then maybe this story is not for you. Other than that, all reviews are welcome :)**

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**THE MONSTER**

She was the kid your parents warned you about.

Claws so sharp she pierced through your skin and clawed her way into your self-esteem and insecurities.

She was the kid your parents never wanted you to meet.

Words so violent they left bruises and gashes on your mind that were so deep you believed they would never heal.

She was the kid people usually avoided inviting at gatherings but she was the one that you decided to welcome with open arms.

10, 37, 25 – that was 72 calories you have consumed today. 10 more than yesterday but you exercised for an hour today, even when your muscles screamed in agony, and so it should be fine. Your stomach demanded for food but you ignored it because giving in would meant that all the hard work you've done would've accumulated into nothing. You loved having the gap between your legs, the visibility of your ribs and the prominence of your collarbone. It was she who told you that food was the enemy and you believed her. You believed anything she says.

There was a party tonight and you were invited.

"Don't go," she said when she realised that you were contemplating of attending. "Party means food. Food means fat."

_I promise I won't eat. I just want to see my friends_.

"Friends? They're not your real friends. Real friends tell you the truth – like me, and I say that you're worthless, you're hideous…you're _fat_," she hisses.

You ate nothing that day nor did you attend the party.

She was furious and you were scared of what she would do. You can understand why she was angry though, the numbers on that scale was horrifying. How dare you gain? You apologise to her, promising that you'll skip all of your meals from now on and double the cardio exercises but she's already spitting out derogatory words.

"Disgusting. Useless. Hideous. Stupid. Fat. Fat. Fat!" you shut your eyes and clap your hands over your ears but you could still hear her, her voice rising with every word.

You were weak. Your vision was fuzzy and your classes seemed foreign. You didn't want to move at all, your limbs protested against every action and all you wanted to do was crawl into ball in the safety of your bed.

"But look how thin you're getting," she says encouragingly. It was nice to finally hear her praise you after she's been so horrid for the past few days. But it didn't take away the fact that your bones were screaming in pain and your stomach was demanding for something you can never give them.

To you, you're finally at your goal weight but she's urging you to go lower.

"We're almost there," she explains.

_Almost to where?_

"Until you're finally zero,"

Zero. Was zero even a number? Zero was nothing. Zero meant that there was nothing there. Zero meant that it did not exist. Do you really want that? To not exist at all? To disappear into nothing? Do you?

"Of course you want that! Zero means beautiful and successful! How could you not want that?"

_But what is wrong with this weight now?_

"It's not enough, it's not beautiful, and it's not zero." There was not ever moment where you've hated her as much as you do now.

_Zero is impossible._

"Try. Harder." You don't want to try anymore. If zero was what you were striving for, then maybe that's not what you've wanted all along.

"Of course it's what you want. It's what everyone wants." It's not what you want.

_Not anymore_. You don't want anything to do with this anymore. Zero was ridiculous! It meant non-existence and you wanted to exist. Zero was empty and you wanted to be full.

_To be full._

You want to be full. You want food. You want to meet the demands of your stomach and you want your screaming muscles to stop.

"STOP! STOP!" she shrieks. But you ignore her and for the first time in days, weeks, months, you step foot into the kitchen. She continues to shriek at you as you let your fingers touch food, you don't even care what kind of food it is, it's still food. She's screaming like a banshee as the food passes through your lips and into your mouth. The first bite sends out an array of feelings – satisfaction, relief, happiness. You've forgotten how great food can be and you've denied yourself from it for so long you've also forgotten what happiness feels like.

"Stupid!" she spits out but you block her out because she's the one that's stupid. She's the one responsible for making you unhappy and this was the last time she's ever going to control your life. You don't even care that she's shown her way out nor do you care to say goodbye.

That night you go to bed feeling full and happy after having your first proper dinner in months. But just as you were about to enter the realm of dreams, she comes in – uninvited but without thinking you still welcome her in anyways.

Words so violent she left bruises and gashes on your mind that were so deep you believed they would never heal.

She was the kid you're parents never wanted you to meet.

Claws so sharp she pierced through your skin and clawed her way into your self-esteem and insecurities.

Yes. She was the kid your parents warned you about.


End file.
